The Top 10 Most Unbelievable Errors Found In Scripts I've Read

First off, this article isn't meant to throw anyone specific under the Bus of Bad Writing, as most of these mistakes have been made by multiple writers. Having said that, sometimes, as a reader, you find yourself facing words on a page whose mere existence simply defy all sane reason and logic in this Universe, and, as a cautionary tale to those playing fast and loose with the writing rules, feel the need to share those bizarre anomalies. If you've ever made any of these mistakes, don't worry, we're here to help - grab a cup of cocoa and a blanket and go sit in the corner for a while. We'll be right with you.

10) Giving The Audience A Full Page Of Text To Read

When was the last time you remember reading something on screen, either in a Film or TV Show, aside from Titles and Credits? Doesn't happen often, does it? You may have to read a threatening note consisting of a few words, like "I'm watching you", "Look behind you", or "You left the fridge door open". Or the camera will focus on a few words as part of a larger document. At the most, a Sci Fi will give you a few sentences of backstory. But stopping the film halfway through for the audience to read a full letter or note, unaccompanied by voice over, is just straight up lazy.

9) 41 Missing Question Marks

At first, I thought I'd try to avoid including spelling and grammatical errors on this list, because, sadly, it's becoming harrowingly apparent to me that the vast majority of aspiring "writers" struggle with a basic grasp of either. However, this phenomenon was just too unbelievable to pass up. Yes, I counted them - there comes a stage when you just have to. 41 questions missing that defining marker. There could have been more that I missed - it would stand to reason, given how utterly scrambled my brain was by the end of reading.

8) Seeing The Exact Same Flashback Multiple Times

That doesn't sound particularly shocking - a lot of great films repeat the same turning point at different crucial points in the narrative, giving new context and insight into the events unfolding. The airport scene in 12 Monkeys, the events unfolding on the boat in The Usual Suspects, uhhh... Groundhog Day? The difference here is that the scene in question was completely unnecessary to the unfolding plot - rather just one step on the journey being shown again and again, as if we had forgotten. There were no new insights. No new context. No new experiences to be had.

7) Describing All The Characters The Exact Same Way

Detailing the physical appearance of characters is the most under-appreciated shorthand in a writer's arsenal. You can say so much about someone's personality by the manner in which they present themselves, without implictly having to tell us their character traits. Which is why this instance broke my heart a little. All the characters (who, in the worst example of this error, all happened to be women) become carbon copies of one another, with no defining attributes to set them apart. Honestly, if that really is the case, just make them all one person, and spare my heart from breaking.

6) Arbitrarily Making The First Hour Of  A Film Into A TV Pilot

Film and TV aren't only different in length, y'know? Story structure for TV depends a great deal on broadcast channel (give us mini cliff-hangers before the advert breaks, people), as well as balancing numerous continuing serial strands that run the course of the series with the "story of the week". Films, unless you've somehow bagged a deal for writing in a franchise, need to be contained, with each "Act" generally containing more meat and immediate purpose. Cutting off the first 60 pages of a 180 page movie does not a pilot make. It makes for a first Act and bit, dangling loose in the wind.

5) No Understanding Of Basic Medical Logic

This comes up so often that I've started working on a theory that the part of the brain associated with storytelling must be in direct opposition with processing facts about the human body. They just don't go hand in hand. My three personal favourites? Someone checking for a pulse in a character who has been shot twice in the head. A character grabbing an active chainsaw by the blade end and being shocked at the result. And, the best one by far, a pair of EMTs using a defibrillator on someone who is choking. CHOKING.

4) Characters Watch Another Film In The Space Of One Scene

Is the passage of time no longer sacred to you people?! I'm all for montage, time lapse, cutting to later, and other timey-wimey nonsense, but too often the characters seem to be moving at a completely different pace to the action. Let me break it down - a character sticks a movie on (let's say Taken for the sake of argument), the characters talk a little, next thing you know, that iconic scene comes on (yep, he's on the phone already), the characters chat a little more, and then, THE MOVIE HAS FINISHED?!?! Maybe I'm over-reacting. Perhaps it was just a 2 minute cut of the film.

3) Taunting Producers With "Production Notes"

This goes beyond biting the hand that feeds you to the point where you're spitting your breakfast into their poor, unsuspecting palm, and then trying to eat it back up again. Look, I'm not saying you should be worshipping producers or readers or whoever you're subjecting your spec to. I'm just saying, show a touch of class and respect, for Pete's sake. I recently read a script that took delight in including "production notes" in brackets, often following long passages of intangible, non-visual description, sarcastically wishing the poor suckers good luck shooting what they had just written.

2) The Same Script Twice In One Document

In an ideal world, I'd like to imagine this was just a strange oversight, rather than the disturbing reality that this was a conscious decision on the writer's part. Picture this, I'm reading a 70 page TV script. I get to page 33 and it just... ends? What followed were two totally blank pages, sending my mind reeling ("are there 37 blank pages?"), before the horror struck me... The script started over again from the beginning. I cross-referenced the two versions, and found tiny differences separating the two drafts. Which one was I to feed back on? Tell me, what would you do in that situation? Worth it for Triple Neeson, though.

1) Forgetting Which Main Character Died

My brain gets a little bit sad whenever I think about this one. Knowing your characters inside out is important in crafting a story, but, at the very least you should be able to remember what has happened to them. I found this script admirable at first for having the stones to off their main character at the midpoint of the story. The problem arose when they seemed to be alive and well about 10 pages later, and the character who had discovered them to be dead had taken the corpse's place. This wasn't a parallel universe story. This wasn't a manipulation of reality. This was an error.

An error that still haunts me.

James Cottle, a Scriptwriting Mega-Scholar™, is now a real world Freelance Writer, in between intense bouts of Script Reading. Follow him on Twitter @Jxmxsc, "like" the Anti-Scriptwriting page on Facebook, and share this blog if you want his opinions on your work to be completely unbiased.